I never really intended to create a poetry book. It just kind of happened. Here’s the real story as best as I can tell it.
I’ve always been a creative person, even from a young age. I’ve had crayons, legos, video and art around me my whole life. I’d like to say some of the credit belongs to my mom for being the crafty person that she is. Nonetheless, I was always more inclined to stay indoors and build something with my box of random Legos. Sometimes it was a house and other times it’d be a spaceship.
In school, I was the quiet type who kept to myself and didn’t really hang out with other kids. I know now, that this might have been a long standing condition (anxiety) that largely held me back from doing a lot of things in life. The constant state of fear I put myself in pushed me to learn about people and things through observation rather than interaction. Both have their positives and negatives.
What observation taught me about life and people.
Through observation I learned how people behave. I learned through watching body language and listening to the words people use. This learning has really helped me be a better person, so I think. While observation was a key to my development, it wasn’t as much of a talent to the rest of the kids. This often meant that I was tormented and bullied because I didn’t say much, I liked strange things and didn’t really talk to anyone. This was compounded by the fact that I was often mistaken for a short-haired girl. I didn’t have a deep voice either so naturally, this led me to a range of unfortunate comments. Everything from four-eyes to “f&%$#t”. Most assumed I was gay or autistic or both. The kids I did hang out with, were in the same boat.
In observing people, I learned how painful verbal and non-verbal interactions could be. I also learned how much a positive action could change someone’s entire perspective on life. Simple gifts and gestures put smiles on faces, opened up grim filled eyes and put some life back into the soul. I took this information and carry it with me to this day.
Finding poetry through English class.
Needless to say, school was rough for me ever since I can remember. When I was a freshman at Skyview High School I had an English teacher whose curriculum included various forms of poetry. It was here where I learned that I might have some more unique talents. Writing poetry and reading Shakespeare was easy for me, like spreading butter on bread. Poetry just kind of rolled out of my brain and onto the page without much difficulty. I found myself just writing and writing and writing because it came so naturally. This meant that I was submitting extra credit. All was well, until I got some of my first assignments back. Which had this grade…
A note accompanied the grade stating that the teacher didn’t really understand my message. I spoke to the teacher about it shortly after because I felt like I was really excelling. After explaining my work she gave me a passing mark. She later asked me, “are you okay, do you need to get help?” I remember being offended at the time, but the truth is I probably needed it.
Over the years I’d write a few more pieces here and there, but not nearly at the rate I did in school. Over the last few years I got more active and that was largely sparked by finding my old work.
…and that’s where we are today.
The culmination of a poetic life.
The Edge of Darkness is MY journey documented through poetry which includes real feelings of pain, torment and happiness…with a few meandering poems thrown in. It’s the culmination of my life’s work including that stuff from High School. My motivation for publishing the book now, revolves around wanting to share my message with others. The message that, even in great times of darkness, there is light and if you can fight to reach it, you will rise.
Here’s one of the pages from the book….
Turning Heroes to Villains
You’re a superhero,
Fighting crime and hate,
Saving life and building faith.
You’ve built strength I will never know,
But I can see it and it shows,
Happiness is big and bright.
Why then, must I fight?
Your moments in time are precious and fly,
But I sit here depressed and cynical.
I construe horrible thoughts,
As the heroes become something wrought,
I’m turning sides,
Blinded by sadness and social plight.
This moment in time,
I’ve turned into a villain,
Not by choice or desire,
But from some misguided fire.
I see you, the hero.
I am the villain.
The Edge of Darkness is available on Amazon.
Thank you for taking the time to read my story and considering the purchase. I hope that you enjoy the poems, lyrics and the story.